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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23215630">Confessions</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/detective_giggles/pseuds/detective_giggles'>detective_giggles</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Law &amp; Order: SVU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:29:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,525</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23215630</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/detective_giggles/pseuds/detective_giggles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Post "Sunk Cost Fallacy". Olivia and Sonny have a drink and a chat. Olivia reminisces on her past with the beautiful Alex Cabot; implied Rollisi. My first writing in a while. One-shot.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Olivia Benson/Alexandra Cabot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Confessions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A/N:  Sorry to put you all through this, I’m a little rusty. I haven’t written in a very long time. But after re-reading my first SVU fanfic, I realized how much I actually miss writing and decided to give it another try.   Set post “Sunk Cost Fallacy”- exactly when doesn’t matter- just recent enough for Sonny and Olivia to have a little chat. A/O; implied Rollisi.  Spoilers for Season 5, Episode 4: Loss.  Thanks for reading.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey, Lieu, thanks for the drinks,” Sonny slid into a booth opposite his Lieutenant.  Olivia smiled and shrugged off her coat.</p><p>“No problem. It’s been a rough week, we deserve it!” Olivia raised a hand to hail the waitress.  Within minutes the pair had their first round of drinks and they were drinking in a slightly awkward silence.  Sonny casually peeked at his watch – it wasn’t too late. A quick drink with his superior and he could still be at Amanda’s by eight.  Olivia and Sonny made some small talk, about Noah, the weather, “Hey Carisi, relax a little. Drinks with the boss isn’t a bad thing-you’re not in trouble,” she smiled.  He nodded and loosened his tie before peeling off his jacket. He grabbed his beer bottle and took a drink, then rested his forearm on the table.</p><p>“So, Lieu… How long have you known Ms. Cabot?  You two seemed to have history,” Sonny paused at the look on Olivia’s face. He watched Olivia carefully, she squirmed slightly in her seat. He debated on changing the subject- he always did have a habit of sticking his foot in his mouth-but decided to see where this conversation would take them. His Lieutenant had seemed…off… since they finished the Hunter case. Restless, maybe, but he was concerned and so when she offered a friendly drink after shift one night, he decided to accept.  He was the only one, but he figured a drink wouldn’t hurt and if she opened up to him a little bit-then it would be a win.</p><p>“We do,” Olivia sipped once, then twice, before requesting a refill on her wine. She made eye contact with the younger detective before crossing her arms and leaning on the table, “We were working cases together while you were still in the academy,” Olivia raised an eyebrow. The Lieutenant smiled and Sonny laughed, relaxing slightly as the waitress returned, “Thank you.” She swirled the dark red liquid in her glass; a momentary reprieve from the conversation she wasn’t sure if she wanted to have.</p><p>“No, no way!” Sonny shook his head, but knew she was telling the truth. Olivia had been working SVU for the better part of two decades.  “Bumping into her in the parking lot… It looked intense,” Sonny observed, pushing slightly.</p><p>“That’s Alex… Intense…Passionate…” Olivia gave a little shrug and sipped again, “but caring… and gentle,” her heart pounded as she spoke of the former ADA, “We were…involved… once,” Olivia admitted.</p><p>“I-involved? R-romantically?” Sonny asked. This conversation definitely wasn’t heading in the direction he expected.  Despite his new found intrigue, Sonny’s detective training kicked in, and he kept his poker face, hoping he could keep Olivia talking.</p><p>“Yes, Detective!  That is what I implied!” Olivia stared intently, unsure if she was angry at the impromptu interrogation.  Realistically, it was probably unwise to share so many details about her personal life with her colleague but she did trust Sonny-with her life- and if she was being honest with herself, it felt good to talk to someone.  Still, this was private, not even her former partner knew about the relationship the two women had shared.  Olivia took another drink of wine and then set the glass down, giving it a small push to the middle of the table. She would have to take it easy on the alcohol, though- she was already almost two glasses in on an empty stomach- and the night was still young. </p><p>Sonny nodded, “And it ended…badly?” he prompted.</p><p>“Hardly,” Olivia shook her head, “It ended so quickly, it didn’t have time to go bad. It, uh, ended so quickly, it didn’t really have time to end,” Olivia quickly abandoned her decision to stop drinking as memories of her past with Alex flooded her thoughts.</p><p>“We had a case… There was a drug cartel… An undercover federal agent was raped and murdered… It was dangerous, and uh, we all told her to drop the case, but she wouldn’t. Stubborn.  Um, and Alex got shot,” suddenly anxious, Olivia reached for a napkin, shredding it as she talked,  “She, uh, she ended up being okay- but they decided that Witness Protection would be the safest place for her,” Olivia took a deep breath before continuing, “We got to see her- before she left…” </p><p>“Before WITSEC? That’s unusual,” Sonny commented. He watched Olivia intently, as she avoided eye contact.</p><p>“She was stubborn, I told you. She couldn’t leave until she let us know she was okay. To let me know,” Olivia closed her eyes, “And just like that-she was gone… for the second time in as many days.”</p><p>“Olivia, I’m sorry,” Sonny said slowly.  He studied her carefully, her dark eyes were bloodshot and glassy- from intoxication or grief, he couldn’t tell, “Did yo-”</p><p>“Are you going to keep interrupting, or are you going to let me talk?” Olivia paused, she felt bad snapping at the young man she had invited for drinks.  For as much as she hadn’t wanted to talk about this, now that she was talking, she couldn’t stop.  Besides, he should know better.  She cleared her throat and continued, “She, uh, she came back once.  It was a year or so later…to testify. She wasn’t here long, but it was like, nothing had changed.  Um, we talked for hours, and we still—fit.  It was so easy, you know? Simple. Despite everything going on, we still connected. And then, she was just gone. Again.” Olivia’s face contorted, and she closed her eyes, feeling slightly nauseous like she had just been punched in the stomach. Sonny signaled for another round of drinks. After the waitress dropped them off, Olivia smiled.  “I’m talking, Carisi, you don’t have to ply me with more alcohol.”  Sonny smiled and raised his eyebrows, silently encouraging her. Her hand shaking slightly, she took another drink and continued.</p><p>“She, uh… And then, every once in a while, she just pops up, out of nowhere.  I feel like I’m getting over her, you know? There comes a day when she’s not the last thing I think about when I fall asleep… I don’t wake up in an empty bed and roll over, wishing she was there next to me… and then- she shows up. Those glasses… that smile, and legs for days… and I’m back, under her spell. I’m never expecting her, but somehow, she’s there when I need her. And then she leaves, and rips my heart out when she goes.”  Olivia paused, breathing hard, her heart pounding.  </p><p>Sonny slid out of the booth and sat next to his supervisor, placing his hand on her shoulder, “Jesus, Liv, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize…” he sighed, his heart hurting for his friend. When he asked the question, he hadn’t anticipated her answer being so honest, so raw. And now, Sonny felt bad for bringing it up in the first place.  He hesitated, unsure of what to say that would be both appropriate and comforting. </p><p>The two sat in silence for a moment, Olivia feeling vulnerable after having shared so much.  The impatient buzz of a cell phone brought them both back to the present. Sonny took a peek at the caller ID, smiled, then set his phone facedown on the table. Olivia looked at her watch.</p><p>“Oh, Carisi, it’s late,” Olivia put her head in her hands and then ran her hands through her hair, “I’m sorry- I didn’t intend on talking your ear off-” </p><p>Sonny cut her off, “No, Lieu, it’s okay. I can stay if you want to talk some more…” he offered.</p><p>“Was that Rollins?” Olivia asked, raising an eyebrow.  </p><p>“Uh, yeah…” he hesitated. Although Olivia had been so honest, he knew Amanda wouldn’t be happy if Olivia found out they were seeing each other, “Apparently Jesse is hungry and Amanda forgot how to order take-out… but really, I can stay.”</p><p>“No, Carisi, it’s okay. I don’t want to be the reason the Rollins girls starve,” Olivia laughed, “Go on, get out of here and have a good night. And a good weekend!”</p><p>“Yeah, okay, thanks.” Olivia watched as Sonny put on his sports coat. He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and reached in for some cash.</p><p>“No, don’t worry about it- I, uh.. I’ve got it. It’s the least I can do for making you listen to my boring stories,” Olivia smiled, “Go on.”</p><p>“Thanks… You okay to get home?” he asked, for the first time noticing all the empties that littered the table.  Of course, half were his, but Amanda’s place was just a short walk from the bar, “You’re welcome to join us for dinner, I can easily make spaghetti for four,” Sonny offered, knowing Amanda would not be happy with that arrangement.</p><p>“No, thank you, I have embarrassed myself enough tonight. But, don’t worry- I’m going to sit here for a few more minutes and then I’ll call a cab. I’ll be fine,” Olivia assured him, “Oh, and Carisi… about what we talked about tonight…”</p><p>“No, worries, Lieu.  Lawyer-client privilege,” Sonny said with a small wink. Olivia smiled as Sonny turned and left the bar.</p>
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